Life doesn’t always go as planned. A canceled flight, a disagreement with a friend, or a rejection letter for a dream job can all throw a wrench into your plans and kickstart a downward spiral. But the truth is that sometimes, life happens. So, here are five strategies to try when things simply don’t go your way.
5 Strategies For When Things Don’t Go Your Way
- Breathe
There’s a reason why “Take a deep breath” is one of the first things we’re told to do in a moment of unforeseen panic—because it works. Pranayama breathing, the yogic practice of breath control, stems from the sanskrit words “prana,” which means life force and “yama,” which means to gain control.
Pranayama breathing (and other forms of breathwork) are effective ways to slow a racing heart, lower stress, instill calm, and improve mood. In one study, slow breathing techniques were shown to increase feelings of comfort and relaxation while reducing symptoms of anger, confusion, and anxiety.
If you haven’t tried breathwork before, here are a few to try when you need to diffuse negative emotions surrounding a tricky situation:
- 4-7-8 Breathing: Exhale to empty lungs completely, inhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds, and exhale slowly for 8 seconds. Repeat 4 times (or more if needed).
- Box Breathing or Four-Square Breathing: In a seated position, sit tall and empty the air from your lungs. Imagine breathing in a square shape (each breath and hold representing one side of a square). Slowly inhale for 4 seconds, then hold your breath for 4 seconds, exhale slowly for another 4 seconds, and then hold again for four seconds. Repeat the sequence as many times as you find helpful.
- Alternate Nostril Breathing: From a tall, seated position, using your right thumb, block your right nostril and inhale fully into the left. Once you can’t inhale anymore, release the right nostril and block the left nostril using your ring finger and exhale slowly through the right nostril. Swap sides this time and begin inhaling through the right, and so on and so forth.
- Allow yourself time to process
Contrary to popular belief, venting to those around us has been scientifically shown to do more harm than good in the long run. It turns out that those who debrief after stressful events wind up experiencing more anxiety down the road. But experts say there are other ways to process that don’t necessarily involve rehashing to other people.
Unloading the experience and your emotions in a journal has been shown to be effective for reducing stress, anxiety, and hostility, as well as changing your physical location in order to process your feelings somewhere other than where the stress-inducing event first occurred.
Experts say that intervening in a stressful moment by physically changing locations is a proactive way to create some space around the problem, stop ruminating, and allow yourself to process more clearly.
The next time things don’t go your way and you find yourself fuming mad or down in the dumps, make the conscious choice to step outside for a nature walk and give yourself a moment to collect your thoughts in a new location.
If you really need to let off some steam, try a more rigorous workout. Well-studied for its ability to boost feel-good endorphins and curtail feelings of anxiety and stress, a good sweat session such as a run, a group exercise class, or kickboxing might be the perfect antidote to help clear your head after an upsetting event.
- Reframe
In order to truly evaluate the weight and impact of an undesired situation, ask yourself some key questions like, “What does this mean for me immediately and will it matter in one, two, or even five years from now?” Another helpful question to ask is, “What is the worst-case outcome of this problem?”
There’s no denying that some problems come with bigger inconveniences and life-altering baggage than others, but it’s also true that sometimes we can get swept up in the emotion of a moment only to realize later that it wasn’t as detrimental as we’d originally thought.
- Count your blessings
It may sound cliché but taking stock of what is going right and the blessings you do have is a proven perspective-shifting tool. Of course, it’s still a bummer when you have to cancel a vacation or you don’t get the apartment you really wanted, but by taking a mental inventory of the things you are fortunate for either by writing them down or listing them mentally, you are instantly creating space for a shift in perspective.
And while it’s easier said than done to pivot into gratitude mode when things aren’t going your way, the more you practice moving in that direction during moments of letdown, you’ll see that a gratitude practice is one of the most powerful tools to help reset your thinking and harness feelings of hope—even when you don’t particularly feel like it. Sometimes it’s as simple as remembering you have a place to call home, food in your fridge, and someone who loves you to realize that things could be a lot worse.
- Revisit
Now that you’ve taken a moment to breathe, process peacefully, ask yourself some honest questions, and remember your blessings, you should be in a much better position to revisit the problem with a clear and calm approach.
Revisit the problem when you’re ready and work towards a solution that takes all sides into account—not just your own—and is for the greater good.
And while you’re at it, give yourself a pat on the back, you’re one step closer to becoming a peaceful problem-solving warrior.
*The links used in this article are being provided as a convenience and for informational purposes only; they do not constitute an endorsement or an approval by Iovate Health Sciences International Inc. or any of its affiliates (“Iovate”) of any of the products, services or opinions of the corporation or organization or individual. Iovate bears no responsibility for the accuracy, legality or content of the external site or for that of subsequent links. Contact the external site for answers to questions regarding its content.
